Who I Am
There is a place where words fall short, and I feel the most seen there.
I have been called a catalytic volitionary.
Aka - a playful potent spark to ignite your empowerment and joy.
My Journey into Wholeness:
It's hard to find where to start and the more I think about it, does it really matter? All we have is this present moment, and that is where I will always meet you.
My work is an extension of my life. I craved a deeper psycho-spiritual approach in my own healing journey and could never find it, so - I became the support that I needed. I took the poison and made myself the antidote. I think we all do this in some way, and I think my struggles are incredibly common, so as heart breaking as that it, it's clear that the time has come to fully support all of those who are still in the throws of self-hatred, disconnect and dis-order, pain and tension, and lack of embodiment because - I know what it's like, and there is hope.... and healing.
I walked a path of suffering and struggle for years, all the while learning and growing and singing my way into knowing who I truly am as a whole, imperfect, brilliant, and sentient human being. The "hard path" is what lead me to the "loving path" and the more I look at it, they are the same, as are all the paths we take to get back to our center... to come home to our own hearts.
My struggle, my sufferings, my story, is our story. We are woven together in this fabric of humanity, perhaps different colors and textures and timelines, but alas, together in this co-created world.
And it's hard. I experienced abandonment, rape, near death moments, unfathomable failure, loss of morals, crippling anxiety, masochistic habits and carelessness for life, and the list goes on... and, I am not alone... we have all been there in one way or another, aware to it or not.
This is the root of compassion - to acknowledge the suffering together.
Why do I do this work of diving deep into healing the body through the heart?
Maybe part of me is really bored with the surface levels of existing and talking about weather, politics, or the next fad diet, and I'm totally thrilled about that. I've always been a "let's talk about real shit or we are not talking" kind of girl;)
Honestly, it was my own dis-ease that lead me to start asking the questions that changed my life forever. I suffered from severe bulimia for 8 years in my mid 20's after I graduated from massage school. That was the largest lesson of strength, growth, and facing my own "shit" that I could have ever imagined having to go through in this lifetime. Truly, I thought I was going to die from my eating disorder... It was 8 years of hell, of sadness, of imbalanced brain chemistry, of self sabotage and hatred, of lies, of loneliness, of disconnect, of feeling hopeless. Yet slowly (with purpose, patience, and a lot of letting go of the ideas of "good and bad") I found my way onto my path of healing, of honesty, of loving, of the sacred, and of accepting. Doing the deep work of self discovery and communicating my story, my truth, my vulnerability, showed me how common dis-ease is in so many areas of our lives, how little we were actually taught about real health care and wellness, and how my story is not unlike that of so many who have lived a life of trauma, survival, addiction, and dis-ease.
I had to learn how to eat again without fear, I had to look at my body through compassionate eyes, I had to understand my beautiful brain and it's vast powers, I had to let go of my ego, I had to be honest, I had to accept myself fully, I has to ask for help, I had to come home to the woman I am, I had to move my body with celebration, I had to love deeper, I had to listen, I had to open, I had to pray, I had to set myself free.
I had to reconnect with spirit. I had to be my whole self. I had to know my shadows.
I want to remind people that change is possible, that being home in your body is possible, that living your best life with vitality and vulnerability is possible. It just takes asking the deep questions, choosing yourself, allowing support in, taking back your intuitive power and stepping into your sacred purpose.
And as much as this is my "story", it is not "who I am", because I am just like you - an infinite being of shadows and dreams and pains and pleasures all woven into this form of human experience.
I bring joy with me wherever I go, and am over comfortable in the deep dark waters of the psyche. I value truth, creativity, and LOVE that permeates all things. I am truth seeker, an edge walker, a foot in both worlds, a study in expression.
I am here to serve, to share, and to support.
Most certainly, with a smile on my face and a gentle open hand.
East to West College of the Healing Arts 2011
Institute for Integrative Nutrition 2019
Primal Vinyasa 200HR YTT 2020