Who I Am
A healer, a musician, a friend, a coach, a lover, a student, a human.
My Journey into Wholeness:
I am not unlike you. A soul who sacrificed it all to "fit in", to feel a sense of belonging, and to know who I truly am. Also akin to the human family's story. I was loved, I was lost, I fell down, I learned from my failures, and underneath it all, there became a pattern emerging. This patter looked like addiction, like self hatred, like dis-order, like disassociation, like forgetting how magnificent I AM.
Without blame and shame and guilt, I walked a path of suffering and struggle for years, all the while learning and growing and sining my way into knowing who I truly am, as a whole, imperfect, brilliant, and sentient human being. The "hard path" is what lead me to the "loving path" and the more I look at it, they are the same, as are all the paths we take to get back to our center...
My struggle, my sufferings, my story, is our story. We are woven together in this fabric of humanity, perhaps different colors and textures and timelines, but alas, together in this co-created world.
And my loves, it's hard. I experienced abandonment, rape, near death moments, unfathomable failure, loss of morals, crippling anxiety, masochistic habits and carelessness for life, and the list goes on... and, I am not alone... we have all been there in one way or another, aware to it or not.
Why do I do this work? Honestly, it was my own dis-ease that lead me to start asking the questions that changed my life forever. I suffered from severe bulimia for 8 years in my mid 20's after I graduated from massage school. That was the largest lesson of strength, growth, and facing my own "shit" that I could have ever imagined having to go through in this lifetime. Truly, I thought I was going to die from my eating disorder... It was 8 years of hell, of sadness, of imbalanced brain chemistry, of self sabotage, of lies, of loneliness, of disconnect, of feeling hopeless. Yet slowly (with purpose, patience, and a lot of letting go) I found my way onto my path of healing, of sharing, of loving, of accepting. Doing the deep work and communicating my story, my truth, my vulnerability, showed me how common dis-ease is in so many areas of our lives, how little we were actually taught about real health care and wellness, and how my story is not unlike that of so many who have lived a life of trauma, addiction, and dis-ease. I became aware that the habits and patterns that I developed in from an unhealthy childhood started to run my life. Eventually I knew that I had to heal my own traumas, re-write my story, and take back my power to embody the person I came here to be!
I had to learn how to eat again without fear, I had to look at my body through compassionate eyes, I had to understand my beautiful brain and it's vast powers, I had to let go of my ego, I had to be honest, I had to accept myself fully, I has to ask for help, I had to come home to the woman I am, I had to move with celebration, I had to love deeper, I had to listen to what my body was telling me, I had to set myself free.
The healing was slow, honest, and laced with deep wisdom.
But there is a way out, and it is through, not around..
When I started to focus on the light, on the love, and on the language of healing that was coming through my body, my heart, and my gut, I was then able to work gracefully with myself.
There is a way to understand.
THE VALUE IS IN THE VULNERABLE
I want to remind people that change is possible, that being better than you ever imagined is possible, that living your best life with vitality is possible. It just takes asking the deep questions, choosing yourself, allowing support in, and taking back your primal power and stepping into your sacred purpose.
It is my Dharma to serve those who have a similar story, those who seek a guide on their side, those who know they are ready to transmute the poison into the antidote.
I carry a large medicine bag because I know there is no one way ...
may my experience, my humility, and my practice be a light to you in the darkest times.
East to West College of the Healing Arts 2011
Institute for Integrative Nutrition 2019
Primal Vinyasa 200HR YTT 2020